“He just needed someone to believe in him before he could learn to believe in himself.”

To demonstrate the importance of foster care I have invited Suffolk foster carer Jan to talk about her experiences of fostering teenagers. Jan and her husband have been a foster carer for a number of years and talk about why they would encourage others to consider fostering. 

What makes you enjoy fostering teenagers?

I’ve always thought the older they get if they’ve had a difficult time and they’ve been moved around – even as an adult - you would struggle wouldn’t you! They’re young and they’re going through difficult times at school and with their peers, so you just need to be a bit more understanding and give them a bit more time.

What is it that makes fostering teenagers fun?

Teenagers are hilarious – I suppose it’s the type of things they come out with, they have my husband and me in stitches. They come in and say things about their friends and what happened at school. With the younger children it’s a silly humour, but the older children you can really sit down with them, and they understand things more. 

On top of that, although you’re the carer, you can also build up really good friendships with them.

What do you think teenagers want from a Foster Carer?

They want to belong, but they’ve got the bravado of ‘I can manage on my own and I don’t need anybody’. That’s just like a protective barrier as everyone wants to be loved and wants to be needed. Even if they initially reject you, you just keep on showing them the love. 

How hard is it for teenagers in modern life?

So much pressure is put on teenagers nowadays amongst their peer groups – they have to appear tough and have an ‘I don’t care’ attitude and for most of them its swagger and they feel they must keep it up to be accepted, but underneath they’re just big children. 

How are you able to connect with them?

It’s showing them that somebody does care about them – someone is tender and caring. 

You’ve got to earn that trust – you have to start from the bare basics and earn trust as you go. 

Do you ever get to see or hear how you’ve helped a teenager?

One day a lad we had fostered a while back got in touch with me and said ‘you’ve inspired me with so many things. With dedication and hard work, I know I can achieve anything and show people what I’m made of and that it’s up to me to do that. The thing I’m most grateful for is that you gave me a good work ethic. That will carry me through life’.

When he was living with us we went into his school where he was getting his exam results. One of his grades was A* and lots of the others were above what anyone expected. He had been written off earlier in his life in terms of his studies. My husband, his teacher and I just stood there crying – it was unbelievable how he’d turned his life around in those years. 

He’d written himself off. He just needed someone to believe in him before he could learn to believe in himself. 

What would you say to someone thinking about fostering teenagers?

I’d really encourage people to think about fostering teenagers. There are challenges along the way, but the rewards are endless. 

I would say to anyone else deciding whether to foster teenagers to remember what you were like as teenager yourself.

If you are interested in becoming a foster carer call us on 01473 264800 or visit Fostering | Suffolk County Council.