You are not to blame

If you are being abused, threatened, harassed or physically or sexually assaulted by your partner, former partner or some-one who is or has been close to you, there are a number of things you can do.  Your abuser may blame you and other things like being drunk, pressure of work, unemployment and minimise or deny what they are doing.  These things can put a strain on a relationship but are not a cause of abuse. 

Get help

Don’t keep what is happening to you a secret, you have nothing to be ashamed of and the longer the abuse goes on the harder it gets to take some action. Don’t suffer alone, get help by talking to someone you trust or contact one of the organisations listed at the end of this page.

Don’t feel alone

Research shows that 1 in 4 women have been in an abusive relationship at some time in their lives; men can also be abused in a similar way. It can happen to any-one at any time of their lives regardless of age, race, gender, sexuality, disability, wealth, income, lifestyle or where you live.

Don’t remain isolated

Your abuser may be trying to control you physically as well as emotionally in many ways; they may be controlling finances and may be stopping you going out, or making it awkward for you to see family and friends.   All these are types of abuse that can keep you locked in the relationship. 

Accept you are not to blame

You are not responsible for the abuse although the person abusing you may be telling you, or you may feel, it’s your fault.  You may have tried changing what you do, say and wear to try to pacify and not to antagonise the situation.  You may have already noticed that whatever you do makes little difference to the way your abuser reacts and despite your efforts you cannot change their behaviour.

Keep yourself safe

Minimising what is happening can put you (and your children) at risk.  It’s not easy to accept that a loved one can act in this way and you may be trying to make the relationship work.  Your abuser may apologise and persuade you that it will not happen again but any sort of abuse is likely to get worse; violence rarely happens only once and will get more and more serious as time goes on.

Only leave when it is safe to do so

You may be considering leaving or may have left before and returned for emotional or practical reasons, this is not unusual.  Most people try to get help or leave a number of times before getting the help that's right for them.  If you are thinking of leaving making a plan can help you do this as safely as possible.  Call one of the organisations listed below, they can help with this and never be worried about asking for help again and again.  In an emergency always DIAL 999.

Useful Telephone Numbers

Services	Telephone Number
National Domestic Violence free phone 24hr helpline	08082 000247
Ipswich - Lighthouse Women's Aid 24hr Hotline	01473 745111
Waveney -  Haven WOmen's Aid Project	08454 674876
Bury St Edmunds Women’s Refuge	01284 753085
The Ferns - sexual assault referral centre.   One stop location offering medical care and emotional support to any victim of sexual assault and rape	0300 1235058
Suffolk Rape Crisis (Women and girls only) helpline	08000 850520
Leeway services for women, children and male victims in Suffolk	08452 412171
Men’s Advice Line	08088 010327
Broken Rainbow LGBT helpline	03009 995428
Karma Nirvana -  ‘Honour’ Based Violence, Forced Marriage, Female Genital Mutilation	0800 599924
Victim Support	08453 899548
Samaritans	08457 909090
Rights of Women - Free Legal Advice Line	02072 516577
Childline 24 hour service for children	0800 1111
Suffolk County Council – Customer First county-wide free phone	0808 8004005
Suffolk Police - for all enquiries call 101 In an Emergency always dial 999
Services	Telephone Number